


Divine Filth

by julescasa5



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Lydia is a Hale, POV Female Character, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julescasa5/pseuds/julescasa5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then, he kissed me. Lips pressed tightly against mine. Dry and chaste. Saying, "You're mine now."</p><p>And I was.<br/> <br/>_____________<br/><strong>At a young age Lydia and her brother, Derek, begin to crave each others touch. Meanwhile a kid with a dopey grin waits for his chance, and ends up changing everything.</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What We Were

**Author's Note:**

> "Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they’re also what tear you apart." Haruki Murakami

It was the summer I turned six. Mom took Laura to go visit our grandparents in New York. I begged for her to take me but she just kept patting me on the head and brushing the back of her hand on my cheek saying "It's Laura's turn honey... I took you last time to go visit uncle Peter." "But mommy!" "But nothing! Honey don't pout...yes yes next time...Of course...I promise." And our pinkies intertwined.

Then Laura was hugging Derek goodbye and telling me to be a good girl. Mom and dad laughed a little then the three were out the door. I stood still as stone as I heard the door lock behind them. Small beads of tears rolling down my rosy cheeks and Derek saw. He inched closer and knelt down in front of me, wiping each one away with the back of his hand. The contact made me flinch and he smiled. That smile tore me open, making me ache from the inside out. Our eyes locked and I was no longer afraid. He licked his hand after wiping the last tear. Calloused hands from too much sport. He was just starting to join teams for the coming school year. Twelve years old with hard hands that even the Gods would envy. Hard everything. Then he kissed me. Lips pressed tightly against mine. Dry and chaste. Saying, "You're mine now."

And I was.  
__________

The night it happened my dad shook me awake because I had wet the bed. That, and the fact that my older brother had his hand placed firmly over my belly, under my nightgown didn't sit too well with him. He didn't ask questions. I guess he was too tired. He had just started working as a deputy and they needed him at the station. Something about a murder the next town over and fresh eyes. So, he just scooped me up and laid me down on the couch. I was relieved that I no longer felt hot, sticky, and ashamed. Then dad went back into the bedroom to change the sheets and shower before heading back to work. Dad always kissing me goodnight and telling Derek, "Take care of your sister, son" before walking out the door. Derek always responding with an "I will." And he kept his promise. Always does.

He never wasted any time. Climbing up over me he took his shirt off in one swift motion over his head, leaving a black fuzz ball at the top. I would giggle and he would smile down at me and then it didn't feel so wrong. He placed the shirt neatly beneath me. Lest not dad have to clean up more than piss tonight. I was his pretty little rag doll. And he told me it wouldn't hurt....it wouldn't hurt....it won't hurt.

I wasn't able to move much, a little squirming now and again to help myself ease the burning sensation when he split me right down the middle. Like the big macadamia cookies mom would parcel out to us because high blood sugar ran in the family. One piece for you, and you, and you...

He ate me sensibly that night. Down to my rosy red core.  
__________

Mom and Laura were back after weeks of dads long hours, our small caresses and indecent exposure in the household. Then everything went back to normal, and aside from a kiss on the cheek every now and again, the next four years came and went without incident.  
__________

He was bringing girls home and Laura was just starting college out on the east coast. I guess New York must have left quite an impression because she couldn't wait to go back. New York University was waiting and it was hard to get in she said. "You've gotta focus Lyd. I mean there is so much more in this world that you're going to experience, but you have to work for it! Find what you love, just decided what it is you want to do then do everything you have to to get there. You're young, but... You're going to be perfect! You're already so smart and so pretty and so brave." Then mom was yelling from downstairs about how she'd miss her flight if she didn't hurry. So, ten more seconds of smiling down at me then we were lugging suitcases and duffle bags full of memories. Ready and willing to ship them off far away into the future, along with my big sister.

The airport was quiet for August. We couldn't follow her into the terminal. Not after 9/11. And I didn't understand it then, but I knew it was bad. The coverage on the six o'clock news was enough to make us all worry. I wasn't brave, but she was. And watched her walk down that long passage, through security machines and meticulous bag checks . Walking until you had to squint to see her small figure continuously disappearing into a vast crowd in the background. Then she was gone.  
__________

It was after baseball practice. May or June I think it was? I caught Derek and his girlfriend of the week on the back porch. Dad working and mom at her book club meeting with that Stilinski woman who'd bore that fast talking son who followed me around school. June it was, because Laura would be back in fourteen days.

They were fully clothed, aside from open zippers and exposed extremities. That and the soft sighs and short grunts. What was her name... Candy I think they called her? Fitting I thought. He always had a sweet tooth, and that bitch was as rotten as they came.  
__________

I was doing my homework upstairs and sitting in Laura's room, playing with her toiletries and make up she had outgrown and left behind, because she needed a new look for the city. A little more blush, maybe then he would notice me again. Or what if I picked up my hair like this? After looking at myself in every angle, and caking on makeup of every shade and color, I gave up. Walked into her bathroom, (of course she had her own bathroom, like mom said she was the eldest and needed her privacy), and began washing my face clean. Water was still on my face and in my eyes and I couldn't find that damn towel anywhere.

Low laugh and then a gentle bump in the shoulder, "You looking for this?" And I reached around for the towel but came into contact with his bare chest. Hard and strong, just like his hands. He pulled me in, one arm wrapping around the small of my back. Patting my face dry with the other. And there it was, that same smile. It hadn't been directed towards me in so long but now it was all mine for the taking. And he leaned in to kiss my neck, I, letting out a small groan both inviting and enticing. "I've missed you", he whispered. And then he too was gone.

He didn't bring girls by anymore.  
__________

Laura was laughing and blabbing on and on about all of these male models she'd met and taken pictures with. French boys with names I don't remember and can't pronounce. And school was good. The food was amazing and she loved the cozy, artistic feel of Brooklyn. Business school? It was great! Top professors and intellectually stimulating class discussions. We were forced to listen to her great life and how sad she is now that she left "her city". I tuned in and out. The stories merging together in a blur. What the hell was she studying again?

Derek in the car behind us with dad because Laura would be bringing back more than she had gone with. Bringing back the memories and the future. The days gone by, the days to come.

"Lyds I brought you back SO much new clothes! You'll be the most fashionable girl in school." Popularity suited me, I thought. Being quiet and mysterious would only be acceptably dismissed if you're pretty. Bring it on, Laura!  
__________

Home sweet home. Two long hours, but finally some rest. Oh, no. That strange Stilinski kid. That's right. We were going to have lunch with them today. I forget his name. Something weird and funny, and sad all at once. Stiles I called him. And he smiled. Dopey wide grin that made me smile just as wide. Funny kid. Not to Derek, who was standing by the car staring.

He was talking so fast and I tried to keep up. "A camping trip?...When did you say it was? I'll ask my dad."

Our parents were talking up a storm in the driveway and everyone praising Laura on a job well done. I tug on dads shoulder to ask him in my most polite inside voice if I can please go camping with Stiles and his dad. Dad giving a hearty laugh and saying, "Of course, sweetheart." Whew!  
__________

Everyone was talking and laughing at the picnic table outside. Laura and Derek excusing themselves to go meet up with friends once the salads and fish were gone. Stiles went on about comic books, I was suggesting he read actual books. _The Catcher in the Rye_. "Isn't that book on the schools banned list?" Haha. He had so much to learn, and I had the whole afternoon to teach him!

Maybe I didn't need Derek to need me back after all.  
__________

The camping trip was fun. Stiles brought his best friend Scott. "Isn't he the one whose parents just got divorced?" "Yeah, but we don't talk about it." And I nodded and let it go with the cool breeze. He was pretty cool, kind of cute. I told Laura all of this when we got back home and she scowled at me because I was suppose to be hanging out with the popular kids, and girls. I just shrugged and ignored Stiles that summer. Too bad, we could have been good friends.  
__________

Erica moved in next door. We live out in the preserve so next door is actually a few miles down, but still, we're neighbors. She had a pretty smile, kind eyes, and frizzy blonde hair which Laura "had to fix" before going back to school. She gave us new looks and lip gloss, we knew right away when school started back up, we'd be queens.

We were right.  
__________

It was the third week of school. Stiles keeps following me around. I won't talk to him anymore, but he still tries. I hear his dad was elected Sheriff. Beacon Hills deserves the security of a fierce defender. Kind of reminds me of Captain America. I really should throw those comics away.

There's a new kid in class. Isaac Lahey. Lahey. Maybe he's related to Derek's friend Camden. I ask around and they are. Brothers actually. Very sweet boy, Erica calls dibs. Two days later they kiss under the oak tree on the west side of the school. When will it be my turn?

All I hear from Erica is how great Issac is. I need new friends. Luckily Danny was switched into my gifted and talented class. The Gods have answered my prayers.  
__________

Jackson tells my I'm pretty and kisses me on the forehead, we hold hands and walk behind Erica and Isaac, Danny in the lead. The school year is almost over and summer has just arrived. We're all hanging out at his house because he has a massive swimming pool and wine coolers.

We were that young.  
__________

Jackson promises I'm the only girl he'll ever like. Derek grits his teeth and goes out with Camden most weekends that summer. The girls keep coming back. We fight like normal siblings, argue about everything, then he slams me up against a wall and kisses me sloppy, mouth opened, all teeth, and storms off. I cry because I'm losing him.

The next two years are more or less the same.  
__________

Laura lives in Philadelphia working as a hospitality manager for some stuffy hotel, it's a good job but she plans on moving back to NYC as soon as something better comes along. Derek is off at Arizona State on a baseball scholarship. Camden got into Northwestern. How? I'll never know.

Turns out Danny is gay. Everyone at schools throwing in their share of "ooh's and ah's" and even a couple "I told you so's". Jackson defended him of course. No matter what they would always be best friends. It's a good thing they're popular. I had a feeling things wouldn't have gone by as smoothly otherwise.

And Erica dumped Isaac, now he's an outcast. He hangs out with Stiles and Scott and some kid named Boyd. I never did remember his real name. Stiles I mean. He smiles a lot. We would have been such good friends.  
__________

Dad had been working on his Masters for awhile, so now he's one of the state detectives. Everyone is so proud. The money doesn't hurt either. But we see him less and less. I wonder how long mom will hold on. Good thing Mrs. Stilinski keeps her grounded with kind words and delicious cookie recipes, but every time she comes by the house she looks more and more tired. Pale, and slow with words. I wonder if she is okay.  
__________

Christmas break is finally here! Dad is tied up with work downstate and Laura has found love, so she's spending the holidays with her boyfriend in Brittany, France. Avoir un bon voyage, grande soeur! And Jackson can't spend the holidays with us. I feel so lonely without him. He has to visit family in Connecticut. Come to think of it... I'm lonely even when he is near.

Mom invites the Stilinski's, and Derek will be a day late but won't say why.

Mrs. Stilinski is worse than before. She's barely there anymore. Laura once said I was brave. I am not, but Mrs. Stilinski is. She is, she is, she is!

Stiles says hi and flashes that wide grin of his that makes me laugh. Sheriff Stilinski gives me a hug and helps mom out in the kitchen. Mrs. Stilinski takes a moment to rest before following behind. I want to ask Stiles what it is that's wrong with his mom. I want to know how he's been. I want to reach out and touch him and let him know it will be okay, whatever it is. But I don't and I can't because I don't even remember his first name. I don't deserve to know. So, I offer him a drink and we sit on the couch watching _It's a Wonderful Life_ , and with him next to me, it is.  
__________

Derek walks in the door just as I drift off to sleep. I want to say hi, know how he has been, how school is, and hug him, and see him smile, but I'm much too tired so I mumble to Stiles,"Wake me up when dinner is ready." He promises. I miss promises. I miss them with all my heart.

"Lydia! Dinner is ready!" Mom shouts from the dinning room. I can hear Derek say in the distance,"I'll get her." And he does. He kneels down in front of me, between my legs and grabs a hold of my hand. "I've missed you."

And I snatch my hand away and run upstairs because my chest is beginning to heave and tears are beginning to swell and I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. And he misses me, what is that suppose to mean? I cry. Because I miss the past and I miss his touch and the long bubble baths he'd give me and the kisses he'd steal when mom and Laura were in New York. And how not long ago he would suck on my bottom lip until it turned into a sick amber color. Bruised in the center.

But it's like it never even happened. Six years later and I am in love with a ghost. I sit on my bed and bite down on a pillow between sobs wondering what we were. What we are. Is it that I am his sister, his sometimes lover, his victim? To be one is not so bad as being all.

And I am just a kid. A beautiful, smart girl, with long strawberry blonde hair and bright green eyes. I have the world in my hands, top designer names in my closet, popular, attractive friends and the perfect boyfriend. Yet I am lost. Lost in him, and I take absolutely no pleasure in ever being found.

My brother, my sometimes lover, come back to me.

And where did Stiles go?  
__________

As if reading my mind Stiles makes a light tap and opens the door. I'm not sure whether he has been crying or running outside but his face and eyes are bright red and apologizing through violent panting. I offer him to sit next to me in bed and he does. I don't dare touch him; worried he might unravel at the seams. He calms down, then cries, and I join him. And we fall asleep up top of the covers like that, holding onto throw pillows for dear life as if it will somehow hold our lives together, and our emotions inward.

I wake up and he is gone. Mom is downstairs cleaning up last nights mess and Derek is watching some religious documentary, not bothering to look my way.

"Are you hungry, sweetie?" I say no thanks and we begin talking. I don't want to talk but apparently she does and by the end I find out that Mrs. Stilinski has severe kidney failure. Stiles....

I need to talk to him. I need to find out his name.  
__________

I go to his house in the afternoon, catching his dad before he jumps in his cruiser. I tell him I have a gift I wanted to give his son, carrying a poorly wrapped box containing one single note inside. I tell him I'm not sure how to spell his name and if he could please help me out. He smiled and told me to hop in. They're at the hospital, and he was on his way.

He tells me stories about him, filling me in on what's been going on since that one camping trip years ago. I feel bad and nostalgic. I could have made things easier. I could have wiped the pain and social awkwardness from his life, but Laura said... And the sheriff understood. He was just happy that I had taken an interest now.

I reached for a pen once we arrived at the hospital to write down the name, but before the sheriff could open his lips nurse McCall ran up to him in tears.

She didn't make it. I threw the box away, with the note buried deep inside. I still didn't know his name. He deserved better. I walked home in the cold. I hoped everything would be alright.  
__________

Mom left a note on the counter saying she was at the hospital and that she saved the plate from last night and placed it in the microwave. I wasn't hungry. And suddenly big warm hands were wrapping around my waist from behind and I wanted to sink into the ground and to exist no longer. His chin settled on my right shoulder and it made no difference to be alive or dead. It was one in the same. No one person has ever made me feel more important and less significant.  
__________

The next three years fly by in a flurry of pale repetitive scraps . There was the funeral I didn't attend, and the friendship that never formed, and the weekly encounter with rejection every time I looked into those bright green eyes that once belonged to my lover. He received an injury from sport and now attended Humboldt State an hour away.

There were concerts and festivals and trips abroad all throughout and in the end I was still as empty. Jackson took me by the hand one day and kissed my forehead and promised to love me for always, just like before. I told him the truth. That I loved him as much as I could ever lover another person who wasn't family. But I have never and will never be in love with him.

And then I had no boyfriend, no friend, and no lover. Erica teased and Danny was understanding which killed me because I deserved the scowling I received from all of our other friends.  
__________

I ran into him at the bookstore. His name tag read Stiles. The name really stuck after all of those years. I avoided him and ended up in the manga section. I need to know his name.  
__________

Its only been three months into junior year and two weeks since the Jackson disaster and I keep wondering if I'll ever know. I'm too embarrassed to ask my mom, too much time has passed. So, I go up to his teacher one day after he leaves class and asked for his first name. Genim. I can't believe I waited that long.

I waited for Isaac after chem class. He's usually the last one out. I walked up to him and told him to please give me Stiles' phone number. It was important. He didn't hesitate. I call after school.  
___________

He agreed to meet me one weekend. I had already cleared it out with his dad, that while my friends were out clubbing I would be taking Stiles on a camping trip.

I thought I knew what love was, but the moment his lips met mine I forgot who Derek was. We kissed and held hands and laughed and cried. We talked about his mom and his grades and his future, and about how my parents were getting divorced and Laura was getting married and about how I never loved Jackson. He asked questions and I answered every one of them honestly. We made s'mores and drank beer and fell asleep in each others arms.

And when day came he didn't talk. We just got in the car and drove back into town. We both knew. Nothing needed to be said. But I apologized anyway and promised to call. We both knew I wouldn't.  
__________

A week has passed and Derek is finally in town. He wants to tell me something. I can tell by the way he stiffens around me, hovering. Baby, tell me everything. Love me again. Just once more. I've never belonged to anyone but you.  
__________

I wake up in so much emotional pain I am physically sick to my stomach. My body is running warm and slippery in all the places he once touched. Please love me. Just once. And mom is in Paris with Laura seeing about the wedding so Derek is house-sitting. My thighs are hard as stone but I want him to be the one to make them turn to satin after making me come. I realize he might never come around so I go to his room. Half naked and bright red cheeks blending upwards into my scalp I climb in his bed. This time I was the one to say I miss you. And he melted and squirmed beneath me, just like I did that day years ago.

I pulled my nightgown up in one swift motion, just like i remember him doing. and he froze. took me in. "It's been so long" he says and sits up leaning in to suckle on my left breast, then the other. And then in one swift move he laid me back and now he was on top of me. Kissing me deeply and fervently. And once more he trailed kissed down my body pulling and tugging at the sheets desperately. He sat up and I could see his clothes were too tight. I made a low whine and he pulled out the scorching red scepter of his passion. My mouth began to water. I wanted to ask if i could... but all that came out was "please" and he nodded and I sat up crawling towards him and took all of him in. I wanted to devour him as he made low moans and ran his hand through my hair. He pulled my head back off of him and said I was the only one. We have never been good with words but this, touching, is the easiest expression of emotions we have ever shared. He took me in one long kiss mixing the taste of one another in our mouths. Tastes like love in the morning.

I pushed him down and fixed myself on top of him. He placed his hands firmly on my hips. I leaned down to kiss him, hungrily before the pumping and thrusting began, sending me off into ecstasy.

He came inside of me in short bursts and told me He loved me.  
__________

I wanted to ask what had gone through his head all of these years. But we don't talk. Instead we simply eat breakfast after showering and he proposes we drive out to San Francisco. I say I have school. _Does it really matter?_ So off we go. Alone, leaving everyone else behind. Driving out of the past into our future.

Laura once said I was brave. I guess she was right. To love him this much is to be brave, and I'll have him awhile longer, before we drive back home, going back to what we'll always be.


	2. Searching For Heaven

Do you remember when mom caught us after we came back from San Fran? The school called her because I was gone three days, and how could class valedictorian Lydia Hale possibly be truent? The big wigs shook their heads-No no, something was definitely wrong. So mom calls the sheriff, who stops by the house. Locked and empty. And our phones were off because we didn't bother packing, just drove off on that long stretch of highway in your black Camaro. I hate how dad spoils you, but he promises to buy me a car the day I get my permit, so I let it go.

You nipped kisses on my soft down as you undid the dress I was trying on. Pretty short dress for junior prom-white and black satin- your choice because you said it made me look like a pretty porcelain doll.

You had never been in my bed before, and in it our weight made too much noise with each thrust. The music was too loud, as we're our moans of pleasure so how were we to hear the door creak open downstairs?

All I remember were screams and tears and mom vomiting violently on the kitchen floor before throwing you out- and take that whore with you. But you were still in school and there wasn't enough room for me in that small apartment you shared with those two boys.  
__________

Breakfast was okay. I'm still not used to living in a house that isn't my own, but the Sheriff promises to talk to my mom. Stiles drives me to school and people stare but I don't bother to say anything. We don't make it to first bell, I hug him and cry. He holds my hand and we head back to his car. Dingy old blue jeep. Betty he called it. Her, I mean. I laughed through my tears.

"Are you okay?"  
I keep my mouth shut around him. It doesn't matter if I know his name, he still deserves better than this poor excuse of a girl.  
"Things are really weird between us, and I don't even know if we have any form of relationship but I'm here for you. I've always been here for you. I used to-"  
He licked his lips, struggling to find the words, but he didn't continue.  
"Stiles?"  
He let out a nervous laugh.  
"You know after that day I made every one start calling me Stiles."  
And I looked down at my hands because I felt so foolish and so small.  
"I liked it. The way you said it. Your own name or me. And I loved you...

...even now."  
___________

The Sheriff apologizes, but I can't stay around his son. Mom told him what happened, and after spending the afternoon together on his day off, I can go back home.

But there is no home to go back to. Not without him.  
__________

I'm not allowed to say a word to Laura, and am forced to go to therapy. She is so stupid she doesn't understand, and I can't even explain it.

I love my own brother. I love him with a passion close to crying. And there is nothing anyone can say that will make me feel differently about the situation. Yes, I know it is wrong and I should be ashamed of myself, but I am not.

"You wouldn't understand..."  
__________

Mom writes one last check to cover final tuition costs. He is not allowed near any of us. Laura throws a fit because if her fiancé finds out... the embarrassment....and how disgusting am I...my own brother...

I refuse to go to the wedding. She tells me to eat shit and die.

Then, mom and Laura are furious because Dad is indifferent. He always knew. I always wondered... Why didn't he ever say anything?  
__________

I can't even think. I chew on my food and nod when called for. Apparently Danny and Matt are hooking up, and Erica is fangirling over those new twin brothers. I forget their names, but I'm positive she'll remind me. I should listen.

And they ask to hang out after school or this weekend but I shake my head and tell them I've got things to help out with the wedding. They understand...next time. Of course.

"Ouch!" Some stupid kid runs into me head on when I turn the corner out of the cafeteria, knocking me down.. Scott.  
"Lydia. I'm so sorry...here let me help you up." I take his hand and he pulls me up. I don't bother to wipe my dress clean.  
"You okay? I'm really sorry!"  
I nod and smile. He is still so kind. "No worries."  
"Well, I gotta get to class. See you around."  
"Sure." I watch him turn to walk down the hall kicking myself for not asking about Stiles.

 

You keep your head down around me. What happened to that dopey grin of yours?  
__________

It's been five weeks. I need you near. I am killing my flesh without you.

__________

"How is my favorite niece doing?!" Oh great, if Laura's the favorite then the whole family must be in on it by now.

The family visiting for the wedding preparations, plus Laura and Mom, take the little letterpress cards embossed with an R which have a seat number, and head out the door in an orderly fashion. Every one is so happy and excited for what Laura's future will hold, including Uncle Peter, but just as he was about to be the last one out, he turns to close the door behind him

Uncle Peter's smile weakens around the corners when he sees me emerge from the kitchen, lingering in the doorway. Sassy remarks are second nature to me now so I let out: "She's your favorite, huh?" And Peter looks down briefly before sauntering towards me.

_Don't break eye contact Lydia._

He maintains the stare but stops once I lower my lips to secure them around the straw in my diet coke can, and sip. His mouth is slightly agape and winks happy thoughts at me before that bitch that bore me interrupts. "We're all waiting outside to drive to the rehearsal dinner. Are you coming?"

He doesn't turn around to face her, instead he continues to look with fascination at my lips and smiles before responding over his shoulder, "I have the address, let me catch up with my lovely little niece." He turns to grin at my mother, "I'll meet you there shortly."

She hates it, and her blood is boiling in her veins because she knows. She just _knows._ I didn't even know but she did. And it ripped every vein from her body to know.

_____________

The stories he shared were nothing but a brief confession of incestual love. He didn't give names, he didn't have to. It was clear to see, the way his eyes lit up.

No wonder he never told my mom anything. Even if it did tear the family apart.

"Don't ever be ashamed of the things others _think_ are wrong with you Lyd." A kiss on the cheek and Peter was out the door in under ten minutes. Plenty of time to catch the rehearsal. Not that I care, but time nonetheless.  
_____________

"Hello?" was all I had to say to her when I answered the phone. She responded with _"Hello my ass..."_ and continued to fuss about how lousy a friend I have been. I don't even bother to argue at this point. I have a headache from studying AP Latin, and mom's rant about how I **have** to miss school this Friday and go on a "Family Retreat", and how no no no Derek will absolutely be in exams so he sadly won't be able to make it. I threw my Margiela stiletto at her head but missed by a fraction of a centimeter. I give up.

Wait....ugh fudge cakes! She's still rambling on and on in my ear.

"Lydia! Lydia flippin' Hale! ....I swear if you don't answer me."

"I'm here. Sorry....Okay. Yeah I'll make it up to you this weekend."

"You're staying with me. Fuck your little perfect family vacation. We need serious sister bonding time."

"Erica?"

"Yea?"

"I can't wait to spend the weekend with you!"

Yada yada yada...and after putting her on with my mom she somehow convinces her that all will be well. _Yes we'll be careful and responsible._ We'll see about that."  
___________

Erica throws a party. The gang is all there and it feels great to finally be able to breathe and see everyone again in a relaxed setting where I don't have to constantly think about maiming my mother or keeping my hands out of the knife drawer.

Danny is making out with Ethan in a corner...or was that the other one? Who cares. And Jackson is there with that new girl Allison. Oh, and there's Matt and Scott and Isaac... Scott? But that means ....There he is. Laughing nervously with too many layers of clothing is Stiles and some sophomore. Pretty girl, I can't help but feel happy for him. 

I just want him to be happy. I don't want anything bad to ever touch him again. Not ever.

"Hey! Party time bitccheeezzzz!" Oh no. No. No. No. No. No. 

A group of frat guys are brushing past the front door with kegs and booze and everyone is cheering. I have to get out of here, but the place is so insanely packed that I'm being shoved into the next room with class "A" rejects. "Move, you mindless lemmings!" Surprisingly I am still the Lydia Hale everyone knows. Of course I am...they don't know. And they do move with great speed. 

I have to get out of here I keep thinking to myself as I make my way through the crowd. I've lost him. I hope he hasn't spotted me yet. But there he is. Right in front of me and I want to sink to my knees and beg him to make all of this pain and confusion go away. But all I do is stare and he stares back with a blank expression that lasts only seconds before breaking into a frown and then I see him swallow and his eyes are red and watery and I just want to touch him. Just once and everything will be okay for a while longer. But not here.

I shake my head and mouth 'outside'. He nods as his friends are pulling him back by the shoulders to engage in a drinking game. He reaches out his pinkie and I lock mine in his for only a moment before he is being dragged away from me and in the center of the crowd.  
___________

I wait outside. I miss promises. But it's been twenty minutes from what I can see on the dark backdrop of my phone. No Derek. But there's Stiles stumbling down the sidewalk. He trips on a large stone and falls hard, hitting his forehead against the curb. 

Ouch.

I wince and look around for Derek or anyone else for that matter. I even consider texting Scott or Boyd or Isaac even though I have none of their numbers. All I know is that I can't deal with this right now. But he lets out a pained groan and stops moving.

Chrissakes.

"Stiles?" I inch closer and kneel down next to him. "Stiles? STILES!"

"HUh?!Wha--WHAT?!" He strains to lift his head and look around but once his eyes find mine, he smiles. Of course he does. "Youuu luk bewtiful."

I haven't smiled so genuinely in weeks. "Come on Stiles, let's get you home."  
____________

I don't know if he ever came out to look for me, and right now I don't care. Tomorrow or later tonight when I lay my head down and I can't sleep I'll kick myself over and over for not waiting, but now, with Stiles next to me in semi-conciousness while I drive him home, nothing else matters.

At least that's what I thought. _Bzz._ And there it is, that little red bubble hovering over my message icon. Dare I look? _Bzz._ It goes from 1 to 2. 

**From Derek:**

Where Are you?

But the other message isn't from him...

**From Stiles:**

;) 

I find myself laughing aloud and I hear him chuckle softly beside me. I ignore the first message and reach over to awkwardly hug Stiles. Smells like whiskey and Lay's Cheddar Ruffles. 

Smells like home.


End file.
